By Boris Esono Nwenfor
BUEA, PAV – The fight against femicide in Cameroon must begin long before a woman is killed, a marriage and family counsellor has said, as reports emerge of eight women allegedly killed by their spouses in eight days.
Rev Dr Amos Mbenben Kebei, coordinator of Dominion Singles and Married Academy (DSMA), said the recent killings should prompt a stronger focus on prevention, education and early intervention rather than responses that begin only after violence has occurred.
“The fight against femicide in Cameroon cannot begin only after a woman has been killed,” Kebei said in a statement sent to MMI News. “Knowledge can save lives.”
He said lethal violence in relationships rarely begins without warning, arguing that behaviours such as extreme jealousy, possessiveness, controlling behaviour, intimidation, stalking, threats and emotional or physical abuse could be early indicators of a dangerous relationship.
Kebei called for greater efforts to educate both unmarried people and couples about the warning signs of abusive relationships before they escalate. He said men should be taught to distinguish masculinity from domination and leadership from control, while developing healthier ways of handling conflict.
“Men must be equipped with emotional intelligence, healthy communication, conflict-resolution skills, self-control, respect for boundaries, and healthy ways of handling rejection, disappointment, and marital conflict,” he said.
Seeking help before violence escalates
Kebei urged couples experiencing difficulties to seek professional help before disagreements develop into destructive patterns. He identified communication breakdown, anger, jealousy, infidelity, unresolved emotional wounds, financial disputes and family pressures as issues that should be addressed early.
Allowing such problems to build up, he warned, can create resentment and increase the risk of violence. But he said responsibility for preventing femicide should not rest solely with couples.
Families, churches and communities also have an important role to play in identifying situations in which a relationship has moved beyond an ordinary disagreement and a person may be at risk.
“Parents, pastors, counsellors, friends, and community leaders need to know when a situation has moved beyond an ordinary marital disagreement, and someone may be in danger,” he said.
He particularly warned against social attitudes that encourage victims to remain in dangerous relationships in the name of preserving marriage. “We must be careful when we keep telling victims simply to ‘endure’, ‘submit’, or ‘keep the marriage’ when their safety is at risk,” he said.
Prevention rather than reaction
Kebei said the response to femicide should extend into schools, churches and families, arguing that attitudes towards relationships and violence are shaped long before adulthood. “Our goal is not simply to respond to violence after it happens. Our goal must be prevention,” he said.
“The battle against femicide should begin before the wedding, in marriage education, in parenting, in our churches, in our schools, and in the way we raise boys and girls.”
His comments come amid growing concern over violence against women in Cameroon, with civil society organisations and women’s rights advocates calling for stronger measures to prevent killings and protect victims of domestic violence.
The reported deaths have intensified debate about how families, religious institutions, communities and state authorities can identify warning signs earlier and intervene before domestic violence becomes fatal.
